I want to give a few thoughts today on a food addiction topic.
It is a real thing just as drugs addiction, alcoholism, sex addiction or any other for that matter. Our brains are so complicated that humans are able to be addicted to anything.
Addiction is not when you like something and have it from time to time. It is when the THING becomes your obsession. When you want this to have as often as you can and once you have it, you loose your control over it. For example, I like to have a mojito drink once in a while. Usually not more often than 2-3 times a year and I would have just one drink at a time. I don't need more and surely I wouldn't drink 10 of them to get drunk and pass out.But take an alcoholic. He/she wouldn't stop having just one drink. And they would have it a way more often than 2-3 times a year. They would crave it every day and staying away from it would be a painful struggle.
Same with food. Bulimia is not only about binging and throwing up. It's about this obsessive thinking about foods that you like. And once you allow yourself to have some, you will eat and eat until get sick. It's like ON button goes off in your head and you can't switch it off. Every bulimic has own trigger foods. These are foods that once you have them, you can't stop eating them. And you keep thinking about them. To me personally these are mainly bread/rolls, cheese and some kinds of sweets. Countless times I was on a meeting at work, in a church, driving my car, watching a movie, reading a book, talking over Skype to my family etc. AND thinking about food at the same time. In my mind I was already in a store and picking things that I want to eat in the evening. In days when I forced myself not to eat anything I would go to bed quite early but then I wouldn't have any sleep. Just lying there and thinking, imagining.... sick.
Since 10th May I turned into clean eating. I used all my power I had to focus on 2 things: 1. clean eating 2. a big race coming up. The race was in July. Done it, happy with it - like never before. I said to myself: OK, two weeks of break from running to recover and I also may have some of these foods I haven't had since weeks. Two weeks turned into 8 weeks. I did start to run at one point but it wasn't enjoyable with my bad eating. Now I'm back on track now. Clean foods only.
But I had to stop and think: What happened?
Food addiction happened.
I have to confess here that I used to be a smoker. I was smoking a lot before my running years and stopped 8,5 years ago. But it didn't happen straight away. I was on and off this thing. The longest break I had it was 6 months - I got scared as I was diagnosed with a thyroid cancer. I got healed, and soon after I forgot how scared I was. I got back to cigarettes. What happened there?? Addiction. The same thing.
I know what I did to quit smoking for good. I am now applying the same rules for quitting on bad foods. Trigger foods. The only difference is that it is harder. You don't have to smoke to live (actually you shouldn't if you want to live) but you will always have to eat. It's now not a choice whether have it or not, but what I am going to have today.
But I'm back. Stronger - I believe. And maybe some of these thoughts will inspire also you to fight your own addictions.
Stay strong.
Pami
