Cyprus Ultra 135

Polish and Irish flags.

It was beginning of 2015. It was a cold, rainy day. Just another winter day in Ireland. I was surfing the Internet, reading any interesting articles about running that I could find. And then I made myself a cup of hot tea, sat down on a couch and started dreaming again about...  Badwater 135. Race of my dreams - 135 miles in the hottest place on the Earth. At that point of time I've been running ultras only for 2 years. But being an over-ambitious person, feeling good with going long distances (I've already finished few times as one of first 3 women) and finding a wild pleasure in pushing myself to the limits, I didn't see anything in this dream that I wouldn't like to face. However, the costs associated with this race.... flights, renting a van, fuel, food for the crew, ice, cooler boxes etc. When I made an estimation of expenses I was looking at roughly USD 10,000. I didn't want to give up on everything, any other races I could do and places I could see to save every penny for a few years just to spend on this one race. Maybe I will have a possibility in the future. So for now I was looking for a similar challenge somewhere in Europe. Some evenings spent searching the Internet - and I found it!! Cyprus Ultra 135. According to the race organisers one of the toughest in the world. The same distance as Badwater, hot weather where you will find no shade, but being less lucky you may meet a snake (as there are 7 different snake species in Cyprus, one of them venomous). The first edition took place in 2012 and... no one managed to get to the finish line. Next year one person has done it - Gilbert Gray from USA. And another year the first ever woman completed the race - Mimi Anderson from the UK. Up to this year only 7 people did it. This sounded like a challenge - "OK, I'm in" - I decided.

I’ve been to Cyprus in 2013 to run Paphos marathon. Marek, my husband, has ran there his first ever half-marathon. He was quite new to running back then and yet he did it below 2 hours, which was amazing. Another year we have visited Crete, inspired by interesting article in Travel Geographic magazine. We knew that this time it will be a great journey as well. Greek are amazingly kind, friendly and open people. It is not fake kindness dictated by market rules, to encourage tourists to spend their money. They are just honest, nice people. They would give you a piece of heaven if they only could. It is “xenia” (Greek: ξενία, xenía, meaning "Guest-friendship"). It is a concept of hospitality, generosity and courtesy, which tells to treat your guests and neighbours the best you can. It takes roots from ancient beliefs in xenios Zeus, who commanded humans to do so. And despite of the fact Greece is a Christian country from a long time, this concept of xenia remained alive until these days as tradition, carried on from generation to generation. And you can feel it just about everywhere. Besides, Greek food is in my opinion one of the best in the world. Why? It’s because food there is natural and healthy. You will not find fast foods and pizzas around every corner. In local taverns the menu does not have twenty pages listed with fancy dishes. Fresh salads, olives, pitta breads baked locally, olive oil pressed by farmers and their halloumi cheese, thick yogurt made from goat milk, honey, nuts and loads of fruits that smell so fantastic!! And oranges…….. oh, I admired their sweetness at the checkpoints on the race route.

Way up to the church.

Yes, the route. When I was looking at the pictures that the organisers put on their Facebook web site it didn’t look scary at all. Nice, wide trail road with some easy hills. It’s true that they warned that some of the uphills are really steep, but who would care? I don’t think much when it comes to another running adventure, I just go for it. Well, at least when it comes to running. It’s good that in other areas of my life I have some more wisdom. 10 laps, each around 20k and then one small loop of 9k to make it to 217k. “I can do this” – I thought. Last year I made the 240k mountain race in Poland. There were real mountains with total gain/loss of approx. 15,000m. That race finished only 41 people out of 63 and 3 women out of 6. And I was the only lucky girl to finish within my age group. So why I wouldn’t finish the Cyprus challenge?

We invited my parents to join us for this event. Firstly, because they did a great job supporting me on my 240k race and, secondly, to let them see some piece of the world. And Cyprus is one of the most amazing and beautiful places I’ve been to. They deserved to see it. They came on Wednesday 17^th May with Marek and I joined them the next day, actually late evening. The original plan for me was to come three days earlier but because I changed jobs in the meantime, I had to change my plans as well. So much of acclimatisation – well, all I could do was to go few more times to sauna the last week before the race and so I did. The following day was to organise last shopping – fruits for the race, some pasta with tomatoes and water of course. Nothing new, no experiments. Just things I would normally have – watermelon, bananas, dates, grapes. I base my nutrition mainly on fruits, and when I need more energy, I would have some egg-free pasta with tomatoes or rice. There will be a bit more about my nutrition later on. And then the most important part of pre-race preparation – go to sleep early. After all there was around 40 hours being awake and moving ahead of me.

The next day, fresh and cheerful, I showed up at the starting point in small village Vasa. A local preacher celebrated a short service during which he blessed us and the hills with beautiful singing of Greek prayers. It didn’t matter that I haven’t understood the word. His strong, melodious voice was rising into the air, and spreading around trails… the atmosphere was just amazing. After the service there was a half an hour for the final preparations and at 10:00 – START. There were a few other distances beginning all together – 100k, 50k, 21k and 10k. And so for the first two laps it was quite loud and amusingly. Runners greeting each other and shouting funny things to each other, all excited with this great adventure and full of energy – at least at that stage. But then other races have finished and I found myself to be alone. And that is where my race starts, I love to run alone. I like to sink into my own thoughts, my own rhythm, focus on how I feel and what I need on the next checkpoint. I don’t like talking much when running. The first bursts of laughter and jokes are fine but then I need to be by my own. I can talk after the race, sipping a nice coffee. But being in the race, I don’t waste energy for talking.

The church.

Just after the first lap I had no doubts this will be harder than I thought. The hills that looked so innocent in the pictures began to reveal their secrets. Two of them were indeed so steep that I had to walk them up. And there was nothing on flat, only up or down. The weather was sunny and hot but on the open sections there was some wind that allowed to cool down a bit. And I was looking at the trail to see if there are any snakes, praying not to meet one. And that how the first day went by. The night was calm and warm with no crisis. I took a one hour nap just in case, as I decided I have some spare time to do so. The second day was supposed to be really hot and dry. And that's how it was. When the morning came Marek informed me that 3 people already pulled out. There was supposed to be 12 of us for this distance but at the end 8 lined up. And I was the only woman starting this year. I knew that if only I finish I will be the third woman ever who completed the race, and the second in hot weather. There were 2 of us signed up but the other girl unfortunately couldn't take part due to an injury. That's a pity there wasn't a women competition but at least I could just take it easy, enjoying the scenery and atmosphere. All the people in the base camp were cheering for to the very end me and that was brilliant!!

Cooling down.

When the second evening was coming up I still had "only" two laps and the small one. Roughly 50k to finish this. But during long events like that I never think of the distance. What’s the point? To stress myself out? I just go as I can, that's all. The less I think the better off I am. It was all going well. During the day I took three more 15-minutes car naps while my crew was preparing drinks and food. Eating was going fine... up to now. A few kilometres into the 9th lap I heard some loud cheerful noises from the distance. That were the first two finishers with amazing time just over 35 hours!! Then one more man has finished but I haven't met him at the finish line. The finish - so close and yet so far. The temperature has dropped and I found troubles eating and drinking. I've never experienced anything like that before. Yes, it happened many times that I couldn't eat solid food but at least I took some calories in drinks. I asked for a soup. The first portion was good, but after the second one I thought I would throw up. I decided to force myself to drink just as much as absolutely necessary. Two laps - I'm not giving up now. Not an option. Michael (the race director) and Eva (one of the supporters) checked up on me at one point and gave me some electrolytes. That helped a lot. I was sailing through the night although at that stage my legs were weak. I was running/ jogging/ walking... didn't matter, just to keep going. When the sun was coming up it was only the small loop left. In my thoughts I was saying goodbye to the hills, to lizards that kept me a company and the big church on the top of the highest hill of the race, where was a garden with cold water. I used it to cool down at each lap. What a moment of relief!!

 Coming to the finish line I grabbed the Polish flag and happy as a kid, I crossed it after 45hrs and 10 minutes. Congratulations, photos, sparkling wine that I opened with a loud "bang!!" and that my dad poured to cups for those who wanted to make a toast, exchanging national flags with Vasa mayor as a sign of friendship... amazing emotions. It’s been a month since the race has finished and I still have these wonderful memories… of the sunshine, trails, kindness of the supporters, silence on the course, warm nights that were passing so quickly, baked potatoes from the fire (thank you Nicola) and so much more. This will stay with me for ever. This is what’s important – not only completing the challenge but the experience.

On the private side this was also a reward for my efforts. And I'm not talking only about trainings that I've done, as it’s quite obvious you need to prepare for such a race. I mean my battle with eating disorder. When I was just 12 years old I made a friend with Bulimia. She was the fake friend though. And for all my school years another one joined our pack - Depression. Mrs D. gave up after few years of pulling me down. And the final goodbye I said to her thanks to my husband. This wonderful man taught me how to think positive and he calmed down many of my storms. He's very patient himself. I guess this reflects what he does. He's into triathlon where cold thinking and patience is the key to success. I'm more emotional and like to work through my fire that burns inside of me. This leads me to push myself for long distances or run, jump, fly through mountains. Anyway, there was still Mrs B. in my life. And nobody knew... for 23 years. She was telling me lies, promising a lean body, great self-confidence and successful life. But what she was really giving back was self-destruction, doubts, fears and weakness. I was feeling like a failure with each run that I haven't done as I planned to because I didn't have enough strength. Some races I haven't finished at all because my dehydrated and undernourished body simply refused to work. In July 2015 I did my first attempt to the 240k race and I had to stop halfway. That was the point when I understood this is it. It's either sticking with B. and keep failing at everything I care about, keep losing my health and strength until one day I won't be able to get up from the bed. OR: it's time to have my life back. It was a hard battle, with many really tough days but finally I said my goodbye to her. I don't want her in my life ever again.

In terms of nutrition I've been a vegetarian for quite a long time at that point. But being vegetarian doesn't automatically mean being healthy. Pizza, chips, chocolate, cakes... Vegetarian? Yes. Healthy? I don't think so. When fighting B. I was trying different approaches: vegan, raw, fruits only... going in the right direction but seeking for something that I can stick to for a lifetime. I didn't want another "diet". This never works in a long term. And I knew that if I really want to be free I need to go for something that will stay with me for ever. And after many trials I have it!! Natural food. Some call it clean eating. Fruits, veggies, grains, rice, nuts are 99% of my nutrition. I read labels. If a product doesn't look natural to me I simply don't buy it. Sometimes I would have eggs (only free range), honey or Greek yogurt but very rarely. This way of eating works wonderfully for me. I gained strength that I need for my runs. In 2016 I lined up for 240k race as a different person. Stronger. I still learn my body and what I'm capable of. It's like learning to run again, on a completely different level. I can't imagine B. coming back to my life. But I know I need to be careful. She can attack me any time but I need to stay focused.

In order to motivate myself and others I set up a Facebook page Clean Ultrarunning. I share some ideas but mainly just passion for good natural food and running. I'm hoping that maybe I can reach people who are still fighting their battles. Or have conquered their own demons and know how hard it is sometimes to stay on the right path. My hope is to inspire people by telling and living my story. Because it's important to have passion in life. And we have only one life to make it right.

Enjoy your life to the full, be happy and change the world in a positive way – that’s what matters.

Intermittent fasting

So I heard recently about this idea of intermittent fasting. And it just blew my mind!! Why? Because it's so simple and in line with what I'm trying to achieve.

When you hear a word "fasting" you probably have these images in your head of starving yourself, monks in a temple meditating all days long, anorexic girls etc. Intermittent fasting is nothing like that. 

There are 3 simple rules to follow:
1. You eat 8 hours in a day and let your body rest from eating and digesting for another 16 hours.
2. You eat only natural food (hence clean food).
3. You eat 2-3 meals a day.

Idea behind it? Let me put it in points again:

1. By not eating for quite long time during a day you allow your body to digest all food before you go to sleep. You basically go sleep with an empty stomach. And because your body doesn't need to work on processing food it can rest properly. Effect? You have more energy the next day you get up.
2. As you eat only natural food it is quick to digest and dense in nutrients  which gives you stable levels of energy during a day. Apparently with time you stop craving things that are processed in any way (including bread, pasta, dairy products) and you start craving fruits and veggies.
3. If you stick to the above rules you notice with time that you actually don't need as much food as you could think. We tend to overeat these days. Eating on emotions, bad habits, choosing "comfort foods" over good foods. Very often confusing huger with thirst or cravings. 
4. With time focus shifts from EATING itself to overall care of your well-being. Food has a great impact on how we feel (and so this is why it is so popular topic) but there is also stress management and spiritual growth. Body, mind and spirit - that's what we are. Not only a body. And any form of fasting actually forces you to get your mind off physical aspect of life and seek for something more. (Otherwise you would go just crazy thinking of food all the time).

I'm going to test this on myself. I'm so curious how this will work in practice for a person who works full time and does sports daily. And who has still struggles with some aspects of bulimia (i.e. tendency to obsessive thinking of food).

It's now 4 weeks to Christmas. I will use this time for this test and hopefully I will get a perfect Christmas presents that I can give to myself:
1. more energy
2. leaner body
3. feeling overall great and by that being ready to serve others and help them to achieve their goals.

I'm ready to go.

Clean eating

So what clean eating is all about? 

There are many different definitions you can find in the Internet. Some say it's being vegetarian and not eating sweets. Others say it's about being vegan. Some stand for eating raw. It may be quite confusing so what this really is about?

The fundamental rule of eating clean is to avoid processed food. And that's simply speaking food that is made in factories, where loads of sugar and chemicals are put into it, then it's packed, distributed and sold. The main purpose here is not to provide good, healthy food to people but to make money. It's a business. I can go on forever on how the big food companies are tricking us to think what they offer is good for our bodies. But this is not the main objective of this post. The main thing is to get us to stop for a while and think - what is good for me? Is my food clean?

So coming back to definition itself. When you think of it clean food is what is in the nature. Fruits, veggies, nuts, grains, water. All these controversies about dairy products and fish/ meat are huge subject to discuss. To my understanding of the subject is not WHAT it is as much as HOW it finds its way to our table. Example: if you have your own cow and milk it for your family - that milk is clean in nature. But compare this to milk production the way it's done these days on a massive scale - it's not only disgusting (the process itself) but the end product has not much in common with real milk.

Being vegetarian or vegan is a matter of choice. I wouldn't dare to say it suits everyone. But I will say with all determination: make fruits, veggies, nuts and grain at least 90% of your daily food intake, if you don't want to resign from dairy or fish/meat. Let these be base of your nutrition. And second - get rid of all JUNK FOOD. Meaning all sorts of fast food, sweets, fizzy drinks etc. You know very well what junk food is. Introducing these two rules to your daily life will make a huge positive impact on your health and overall well-being. And once you feel great you can do more, be more productive in your work, training, social life. It affects everything you do.

Try eating clean for a month and see how it changes you. The great chances are you will never go back to stuffing yourself with chocolate or another cheesy hamburger with fries. You have nothing to loose but so much to gain.

Stay strong.

Food addiction is a real thing.

I want to give a few thoughts today on a food addiction topic.

It is a real thing just as drugs addiction, alcoholism, sex addiction or any other for that matter. Our brains are so complicated that humans are able to be addicted to anything. 
Addiction is not when you like something and have it from time to time. It is when the THING becomes your obsession. When you want this to have as often as you can and once you have it, you loose your control over it. For example, I like to have a mojito drink once in a while. Usually not more often than 2-3 times a year and I would have just one drink at a time. I don't need more and surely I wouldn't drink 10 of them to get drunk and pass out.But take an alcoholic. He/she wouldn't stop having just one drink. And they would have it a way more often than 2-3 times a year. They would crave it every day and staying away from it would be a painful struggle.

Same with food. Bulimia is not only about binging and throwing up. It's about this obsessive thinking about foods that you like. And once you allow yourself to have some, you will eat and eat until get sick. It's like ON button goes off in your head and you can't switch it off. Every bulimic has own trigger foods. These are foods that once you have them, you can't stop eating them. And you keep thinking about them. To me personally these are mainly bread/rolls, cheese and some kinds of sweets. Countless times I was on a meeting at work, in a church, driving my car, watching a movie, reading a book, talking over Skype to my family etc. AND thinking about food at the same time. In my mind I was already in a store and picking things that I want to eat in the evening. In days when I forced myself not to eat anything I would go to bed quite early but then I wouldn't have any sleep. Just lying there and thinking, imagining.... sick.

Since 10th May I turned into clean eating. I used all my power I had to focus on 2 things: 1. clean eating 2. a big race coming up. The race was in July. Done it, happy with it - like never before. I said to myself: OK, two weeks of break from running to recover and I also may have some of these foods I haven't had since weeks. Two weeks turned into 8 weeks. I did start to run at one point but it wasn't enjoyable with my bad eating. Now I'm back on track now. Clean foods only. 

But I had to stop and think: What happened?

Food addiction happened. 
I have to confess here that I used to be a smoker. I was smoking a lot before my running years and stopped 8,5 years ago. But it didn't happen straight away. I was on and off this thing. The longest break I had it was 6 months - I got scared as I was diagnosed with a thyroid cancer. I got healed, and soon after I forgot how scared I was. I got back to cigarettes. What happened there?? Addiction. The same thing.

I know what I did to quit smoking for good. I am now applying the same rules for quitting on bad foods. Trigger foods. The only difference is that it is harder. You don't have to smoke to live (actually you shouldn't if you want to live) but you will always have to eat. It's now not a choice whether have it or not, but what I am going to have today.

But I'm back. Stronger - I believe. And maybe some of these thoughts will inspire also you to fight your own addictions.

Stay strong.

Pami

Stay focused

It is easy to lose your focus. And then it takes an extra effort to gain it back. 

Before my 240 km race I was entirely focused on the task ahead of me. Weeks before that I stopped eating any bread, sweets or cheese (these are my trigger foods) and I also stopped destroying my body by any bulimic behaviours. It paid off. I not only did finish the race but placed myself on a podium. This was just amazing! Two weeks after that I went for a local 100-miler. I shouldn't have done that. My body was screaming not to but my ambitions were greater. I should have listened to my body but I didn't. As a result I was running the first 20 km, then jogging next 10 km and then dying for further 70 km, until I decided that 100 km is all I could do that day. I don't have any regrets of pulling out of that race. I couldn't even jog anymore (tired, my blisters re-opened, knee started to hurt) so what was the point?! Only then I realised what I have completed just two weeks before and how this affected me. I needed a rest. And so I decided I will not run for the next two weeks and will also go easy on myself  with eating. For two weeks I only went few times for a walk or to the gym and allowed myself to eat some bread and sweets, and twice even cheese. I am not proud of this, but sort of needed that as well. Maybe not physically but mentally - just to have a BREAK from everything. 

Two weeks have passed and I came back to my running and clean eating routine. I have learned that after next ultra I should take some rest from running but not from my good, clean diet. It took me three days to get back on track and I feel my body is still not fully adjusted to eating fruits, vegs and grains only. 

It was quite easy to lose this focus on what I am eating for the 14 days. First it felt a bit weird to eat a sandwich or nutella, but then it got really easy. The point is there was no real need to suspend my clean eating in the first place. I will never do it again. 

So here are some tips on how to get back on a track. Whatever your goal is and whatever setback you are facing: 

1. Have honest conversation with yourself what are your goals and why you want to achieve these. 
2. Make a new plan for yourself starting from TODAY. 
3. Forget the past mistakes and forgive yourself. You won't be able to focus on the future while still looking back. 

I did these things 3 days ago and I am getting my focus back. To make it easier for myself i signed up for the next race that will be in a few weeks time. Not to compete, I know I will do it just to enjoy some trails, but to keep myself on a track. 

Stay focused. Stay strong. 

Fruits vs energy gels

I never liked the idea of taking energy gels. I didn't listen to all these commercials telling you that you have to take one every 40-50 minutes, or forget running a marathon. I tried once and my stomach suffered a lot. Then somebody told me I need to take these during my training long runs so that my stomach can adjust. I thought about it and I came to a conclusion that if my body doesn't accept this it means it cannot be good for you. Since then I don't eat anything during a marathon. I can easily run few hours without food. I only need to make sure I drink enough (and usually take some isotonic drink half way).

But running ultras is a different story. Here it is so important how often you eat and what you take in. I did many races where I didn't care much about nutrition. All I cared about was how do I look on the race day. So 2-3 weeks before the race I used to starve myself to look good. I felt like crap but at least I was 6-8 pounds lighter. When the race started I usually was going quite well for the first half and dying the second one, only trying to survive to the end. I used to go on chocolate bars, rolls with cheese and coke. No wonder I was feeling and performing bad. Few times I didn't finish because my body refused to go any further and then I was peeing blood every few minutes in a burning pain.

This was so stupid.

Since I decided to make a turn in my life and watch what I am actually eating my nutrition during long runs and races consists of fruit pouches, bananas, watermelons, oat bars, water and - if going more than 50 miles - isotonics. Sometimes red bull but only when I have troubles to stay awake overnight. But I try to avoid this as I know this is really bad for your system.

Here I want to share my thoughts on fruit pouches that I found a great and healthy alternative to energy gels. Even my husband, who does triathlons,  gave it a try and he decided to switch to these as well.

Ingredients of an average energy gel: 24,1 g of carbs, of which 16,3 g is sugar. salt 0,39g, protein 0 g, fat 0 g. Total weight: 50g, Calories: 100.

Ingredients of a fruit pouch: 19 g carbs, of which 18g sugars, salt 0,03 g, protein 0,09 g, fat 0g, fibre 1,9 g. Total weight: 100g, Calories: 100.

The difference is in a type of sugar mainly. I don't need to explain that fructose is much more healthy than artificial sugars put into energy gels. And you don't have these sugar highs and lows, once you eat these regularly during race you feel fine all the time. 

The only disadvantage I can see is weight. Fruit pouches are twice heavier. But in long races usually you have points where you can leave your drop bags. So you can plan how many of these you will take with you for each stage of the race. It also depends what else is provided on the check points. If they have bananas, oranges or any other fruits - you can take less of these pouches and mix with the whole fruits.

At the end everybody chooses what works for them. I found these little pouches very energizing, refreshing and handy. If you are looking for some healthy options then give it a try on your next long run.

Enjoy :)

Why bulimia had to go?

This is a difficult post for me to write. I've been bulimic for 22 years and nobody really knew about this. I only told my sister some years ago and my husband but then we never came back to this as I resisted any talk about food and the way I eat.

I will not give you the whole history of why, how and what got me into it in the first place. It's enough to know bulimia knocked the door of my mind when I was 12 and she stayed with me since then, becoming my best friend and my worst enemy. It affected practically all my life. 

People can see me in general as a successful person. Back in Poland I graduated from Economics University as a Master of Accounting and Finance. I learned English, I moved to Ireland where I did another school to have a good job in here. I got a good job and then I was promoted twice. Apart from that I finished quite few respectful ultramarathons. I became one of the leaders in the church I go to. I'm happily married to a wonderful man. All good, right?

But most of these things happened just somehow on the way. It was always like having two lives: the everyday life where I smiled to people and played my roles and my secret bulimia life. And my mind was so often in the second one. For example while sitting in a class room I barely paid attention to what a professor was saying, I was more occupied by what I will eat later on and will I have a chance to get rid of this. Sad but true.

Take the very fact why I started running in the first place. It was to deal with my weight, nothing more. And my races? Always the same pattern: few weeks before the race I would almost starve myself, throwing up every night just to feel lighter on the race day. During race of course I wouldn't have much energy and normally I would be disappointed with my finish time. Few times I had to walk as I was so dehydrated that I was painfully peeing blood every few minutes. And I knew why is that happening. And after the race I wot loose it totally and stuff myself with everything I could think of. So my 7 years of running were not much about running. I was lucky to run in some beautiful places and yet I wasn't really happy. Bulimia could find me everywhere.

So what happened? Why I decided to change my life now? Well, after one of the runs I did in April this year I just looked at my picture from the race and saw that I don't look like a happy runner that just crossed the finish line few minutes ago. I looked like I wanted to say:"ok, now let's go home ". And then I was thinking how tired I am with all this endless battle. And that in few months I will turn 35 and this is really time to decide if I'm going to waste my life like that or I will finally wake up.

I had the same turning point thoughts some years ago when I was quitting smoking. I was just so tired with this. But fighting eating disorder is harder. You don't need to smoke to live but you still need to eat. 

It's a learning process. I am a vegetarian since few years but it doesn't mean I've been eating healthy. So now my focus is on eating clean food, watching my meal times and hydrate my body properly. I try not to step on a scale too often. I know I shouldn't. It's about having a good energy, renewing my mind and the way I think about food and myself, and finally it's about finding a real joy in my run. And to have this better, real life bulimia had to go.